04 9 / 2014
there was this awful post that became really popular on tumblr a while back that said something like “love is giving someone the power to destroy you but trusting them not to” or something along those lines…and it was honestly very very concerning…that really isn’t good enough
that’s not what relationships are about at all and please don’t let anyone tell you otherwise
relationships are about feeling safe, comfortable, and respected. you should feel at home with this person. you should feel like you’re best friends. you should be able to talk about whatever you want and to always feel secure and be able to communicate your feelings with this person
they’re not about giving or having “power” or about “destroying” anyone. they’re not based on negativity or fear. relationships should never be guided by power or fear, ever
you deserve so much better than that
27 8 / 2014
"A racist woman is not a feminist; she doesn’t care about helping women, just the women who look like her and can buy the same things she can.
A transphobic woman is not a feminist; she is overly concerned with policing the bodies and expressions of others.
A woman against reproductive rights — to use bell hook’s own example, and an issue close to your heart — is not a feminist; she prioritizes her dogma or her disgust over the bodies of others.
An ableist woman is not a feminist; she holds some Platonic ideal of what a physically or mentally “whole” person should be and tries to force the world to fit inside it."
25 8 / 2014
Ten rape prevention tips:
1. Don’t put drugs in women’s drinks.
2. When you see a woman walking by herself, leave her alone.
3. If you pull over to help a woman whose car has broken down, remember not to rape her.
4. If you are in an elevator and a woman gets in, don’t rape her.
5. When you encounter a woman who is asleep, the safest course of action is to not rape her.
6. Never creep into a woman’s home through an unlocked door or window, or spring out at her from between parked cars, or rape her.
7. Remember, people go to the laundry room to do their laundry. Do not attempt to molest someone who is alone in a laundry room.
8. Use the Buddy System! If it is inconvenient for you to stop yourself from raping women, ask a trusted friend to accompany you at all times.
9. Carry a rape whistle. If you find that you are about to rape someone, blow the whistle until someone comes to stop you.
10. Don’t forget: Honesty is the best policy. When asking a woman out on a date, don’t pretend that you are interested in her as a person; tell her straight up that you expect to be raping her later. If you don’t communicate your intentions, the woman may take it as a sign that you do not plan to rape her."
22 8 / 2014
Are You Being Gaslighted?
TURN UP YOUR GASLIGHT RADAR.
CHECK FOR THESE TWENTY TALLTALE SIGNS
Gaslighting may not involve all of these experiences or feelings, but if you recognize yourself in any of them, give it extra attention.
1. You are constantly second-guessing yourself."
2. You ask yourself, “Am I too sensitive?” a dozen times a day.
3. You often feel confused and even crazy at work.
4. You’re always apologizing to your mother, father, boyfriend, boss.
5. You wonder frequently if you are “good enough” girlfriend/wife/employee/friend/daughter.
6. You can’t understand why, with so many apparently good things in your life, you aren’t happier.
7. You buy clothes for yourself, furnishings for your apartment, or other personal purchases with your partner in mind, thinking about what he would like instead of what would make you feel great.
8. You frequently make excuses for your partner’s behavior to friends and family.
9. You find yourself withholding information from your friends and family so you don’t have to explain or make excuses.
10. You know something is terribly wrong, but you can never quite express what it is, even to yourself.
11. You start lying to avoid the put-downs and reality twists.
12. You have trouble making simple decisions.
13. You think twice before bringing up seemingly innocent topics of conversation.
14. Before your partner comes home, you run through a checklist in your head to anticipate anything you might have done wrong that day.
15. You have the sense that you used to be a very different person—more confident, more fun-loving, more relaxed.
16. You start speaking to your husband through his secretary so you don’t have to tell him things you’re afraid might upset him.
17. You feel as though you can’t do anything right.
18. Your kids begin trying to protect you from your partner.
19. You find yourself furious with people you’ve always gotten along with before.
20. You feel hopeless and joyless.
The Gaslight Effect: How to Spot and Survive the Hidden Manipulation Others Use to Control Your Life by Dr. Robin Stern (via autistpsyche)
The language here caters to a very specific type of relationship, but the information is applicable to any kind of situation, be it with a non-male partner, with a non-romantic family member, as part of a polyamorous relationship, etc.
18 8 / 2014
Dad’s gotten 1000% better talking about periods since we started using Shark Week euphemisms:
"Ah, it’s Shark Week?" = "Ah, you started your period?"
"Harpoons on deck?" = "Do you have enough pads/tampons/etc?"
"Chum stocks are holding?" = "Do you need chocolate/midol?"
"Supplies are low cap’n" = "Yes, please."
"What kind (of shark) is it?" = "How do you feel?"
- "It’s a Nurse Shark" = "I’m fine/not bad"
- "GREAT WHITE OFF THE STARBOARD BOW" = "FUCKING OW"